Torn

I am definitely someone that finds myself emotionally torn between the things I’m interested in and the things that I truly value. I find that I like to dive into everything wholeheartedly, but end up giving up on things because I feel like it takes away from my family. I enjoy teaching, couponing, frugality, decorating, reading blogs, scrapbooking, making bows, etc., etc. However, I seem to have to give up on things or put too many things on the back burner because I try to do too much at once and end up spending more time doing things that aren’t as important to my family.

As fall approaches, I have made myself spend less time on the computer, less time on Facebook, less time at school, not making as many bows and practically not couponing at all. Part of me feels a loss for not doing things I enjoy, but the guilt of spending time doing things that my family and friends do not feel they benefit directly from makes me put things into perspective. Yes,  my family benefits from my couponing, frugality and bow-making, but not in the sense that I get the satisfaction of doing it. 

I don’t want to look back on my children’s early years thinking that I was ever not interested enough in what they were doing or that I spent more time doing things I wanted to than spending quality time with them. The same goes for my family. I never use to be the one that people had to call and check on because I was the one trying to stay on top of things. Not so much anymore.

So, if I’m not commenting on your blog posts immediately or not commenting on your FB status often enough, please don’t be offended. I know that I have to balance my time  and other things more evenly. For me, part of balancing means knowing which things weigh more heavily on my heart than on my mind.  For now, I choose to devote myself to my family first.  I also know that I need to spend more time checking in on my friends and feeling more connected to them.  Technology is great in the sense that it gives us the ability to be instantly connected with people, but face-to-face interaction is by far more valuable.

There are so many things in life that come and go easily. I cannot let time slip by that is meant to spent on those who are precious to me.

These two are a huge source of why God put me here and I need to feel like I am serving Him by bringing them up in a way that his pleasing to Him. This is definitely not something I am torn about.