My heart is Little House, my brain is 2009

Since the last time I posted, I have survived Parent-Teacher conferences, turning 35, Space Night, Halloween Class Parties, Halloween Pictures and Halloween itself, two nephews birthdays, Christmas Open House at Rosewood and countless other things.

For my birthday, John and the kiddos bought me season 8 of Little House on the Prairie on DVD. (They bought me season one last year and I spent an entire weekend watching all of it!).  Yes, I realize they are out of order, but he got it in trade, so I’m happy with that! After watching several episodes this weekend, I have decided that my heart is completely 98% in tune with Little House on the Prairie. I love the simplicity, the overall life lessons, the morals and values, the  hard work, the trust, the warm welcoming of people into your house and life, the frugality, the yearning and everything that encompasses the value of family, friendship and religion.

Now, I know for a fact that life was probably only partially portrayed correctly in the show, but in my heart, I can always find a way to relate to something on the show. However, when I begin to think of the inconveniences (running water & electricity—mainly), the feeling that we have to keep up with the Joneses and the guilt that comes with not doing everything I feel like someone else expects me to do makes me fall right back into thinking that we HAVE to live in the now.

I truly feel sorry for us. My wish for my family is to live more simply. I know that is not cool or exciting to other people, but one thing I’ve learned in the last few years is how truly meaningful life can be when we stop trying to live up to what others expect and start living the lives we want to live. 

I took this picture on Halloween. We were waiting on a train to by while the sun was setting. I feel like it completely depicts my life right now. Everything is going by in such a blur even when I’m sitting still. Looking at it in real life, things were so clear, but looking at it in a photo showed the actual motion. That’s me. I sort of have the appearance of having it all together and am able to keep my wheels on the track, but when you take a closer look, things seem so out of focus and it’s hard to keep up.

If I had my way right now,

1. I would be a stay-at-home mom.
2. I would take more walks with my kids and play outside more.
3. I would not worry if my house wasn’t clean and I’d invite others over more often.
4. I would bake cookies for my neighbors more often than once a year for Christmas.
5. I would take time to hand write more letters/cards to friends and family. I would stop putting off all the things on my to-do list.
6. I would limit my computer time to when my kids were sleeping or playing.
7. I would organize things just to make them look pretty, not just functional.
8. I would place less value on things and more value on time and memories.
9. I would keep up with my checkbook and not wait 6 months to balance it.
10. I would give of myself more to my family and value their contributions.
11. I would spend less time being frustrated and be more patient.
12. I would find a bible study group because I know that I need to branch out of my comfortable little box.
13. I would not feel bad that my child isn’t involved in every sport and activity known to man.
14. I would read more and write more.
15. I would be more spontaneous.
16. I would stay home more often.
17. I would get the pictures developed that have been on my computer for over 3 years.
18. I would update and add things to both of my kids baby books.
19. I would date my husband more often.
20. I would ask for help more and not be so stubborn.

And the list goes on and on…..

I have to learn to do more with the time that God has given me. I am not feeling balanced right now . I owe it to myself, my family and friends to make more of an effort to do the things that I think I am missing out on. I think I am queen of mommy guilt and it’s creeping up on me right now something fierce. Does anyone else ever feel like this?